Academe

Wisdom Index

Academe
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Happiness Is ...
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Homosapien Commentary
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Life v. Death
Love or Lust
Mental States
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Voting & Elections
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Work
You know it's going to be a bad day when ...

Academe

For all the course work, paper writing, and exams that we ask of our students, we fail them if we don't help them to discern what their heart's work is. E.B. Conant

Are you here for the education or the degree? M. Mark Miller, Ph.D.

It's not the things you don't know that will hurt you, it's the things you think you know that ain't so. Mark Twain

Patience and tenacity of purpose are worth more than twice their weight of cleverness. Thomas Huxley

My spelling is Wobbly. It's good spelling, but it Wobbles, and the letters get in the wrong places. Pooh

Incomprehensible jargon is the hallmark of a profession. Kingman Brewster

Are you still having problems? It's not the calculator; it's the calculator operator. Jack Sample

There are stupid questions. Mary Sue Younger, Ph.D.

The concept is interesting and well formed, but in order to earn better than a "C," the idea must be feasible. A Yale University Management professor in response to Fred Smith's paper proposing reliable overnight delivery service. Smith founded Federal Express.

I always find statistics are hard to swallow and impossible to digest. The only one I can remember is that if all the people who go to sleep in church were laid end to end, they would be a lot more comfortable. Mrs. Robert A. Taft

Chisholm's Third Corollary- If you explain something so clearly that nobody can misunderstand, someone will.

Finagles' Third Law- In any collection of data, the figure most obviously correct, beyond all need of checking, is the mistake.

Colvand's Logical Premise- All probabilities are 50 percent. Either a thing will happen or it won't.

A classic is something that everybody wants to have read and nobody wants to read. Mark Twain

Everyone is in awe of the lion tamer in a cage with half a dozen lions - everyone but a school bus driver.

The facts, although interesting, are irrelevant.

No amount of advance planning will ever replace dumb luck.

A musicologist is a man who can read music but can't hear it. Sir Thomas Beecham

There are three kinds of people: those who can count and those who can't.

You can always tell a Harvard Man, you just can't tell him much. James Barnes

A plagiarist should be made to copy the author a hundred times. Karl Kraus

Your kid may be an honors student, but you're still an idiot.

My kid beat up your honor student.

After you've heard two eyewitness accounts of an auto accident it makes you wonder about history.

It has just been shown that research causes cancer in rats.

Study the past, if you would divine the future. Confucius

There is absolutely no substitute for a genuine lack of preparation.

A study of economics usually reveals that the best time to buy anything is last year. Marty Allen

Everyone has a right to a university degree in America, even if it's in Hamburger Technology. Clive James

Experience keeps a dear school, but fools will learn in no other. Benjamin Franklin

First say to yourself what you would be; and then do what you have to do. Epictetus

All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusions is called a philosopher. Ambrose Bierce

For every problem, there is a solution - neat, simple, and wrong! H.L.Mencken

History is bunk. Henry Ford

Time is the best teacher; unfortunately, it kills all its students.

I took an IQ test and the results were negative.

History will teach us nothing. Sting

If a student falls from the dormitory window what should he do? Drop out.

Had Cleopatra's nose been shorter, the whole history of the world would have been shorter. Blaise Pascal

If your project doesn't work, look for the part that you didn't think was important. Arthur Bloch

History teaches us that men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all other alternatives. Abba Eban

All good solutions are simple, but not all simple solutions are good.

Every major horror of history was committed in the name of an altruistic motive. Ayn Rand

It is better to deserve honors and not have them than to have them and not deserve them. Mark Twain

Learning without thought is labor lost; thought without learning is perilous. Confucius

According to my calculations, the problem doesn't exist.

Let's reintroduce corporal punishment in the schools - and use it on the teachers. P.J. O-Rourke

Philosophy is an unusually ingenious attempt to think fallaciously. Bertrand Russell

Liberty without learning is always in peril; learning without liberty is always in vain. John F. Kennedy

If you don't use punctuation there is no point in what you write.

History is philosophy by examples. Dionysius of Halicarnassus

Genius does what it must, and Talent does what it can. Owen Meredith, Earl of Lytton

Little minds are tamed and subdued by misfortune, but great minds rise above them. Washington Irving

It is not every question that deserves an answer. Publilius Syrus

Why is 'abbreviation' such a long word?

Intelligence - the ability to suspend judgment.

Once I thought I was wrong, but I was mistaken.

Concentration - the ability to think of nothing.

Tenure - the number following nineure.

Every day of school is a day closer to vacation.

Fourth Law of Applied Terror- The night before the English History midterm, your Biology instructor will assign 200 pages on planaria.

Corollary- Every instructor assumes you have nothing else to do except study for that instructor's class.

Fifth Law of Applied Terror- If you are given an open-book exam, you will forget your book.

Corollary- If you are given a take-home test, you will forget where you live.

Teaching history is a thing of the past.

Department of Redundancy Department

The advantage of a classical education is it enables you to despise the wealth, which it prevents you from achieving. Russ Green

i souport publik edekashun.

The average PhD thesis is nothing but the transference of bones from one graveyard to another. J. Frank Dobie

We learn from history that we learn nothing from history. George Bernard Shaw

The greater our knowledge increases, the greater our ignorance unfolds. John F. Kennedy

What will History say? History, sir, will tell lies, as usual. George Bernard Shaw

To be conscious that you are ignorant is a great step in knowledge. Benjamin Disraeli

Whom are you? said he, for he had been to night school. George Ade

There is nothing so absurd but some philosopher has said it. Cicero

It has been observed that one's nose is never so happy as when it is thrust into the affairs of another, from which some physiologist have drawn the inference that the nose is devoid of the sense of smell. Ambrose Bierce

The difference between science and the fuzzy subjects is science requires reasoning, while those other subjects merely require scholarship. Lazarus Long

Psychiatrists say one out of four people are mentally ill. Check three friends. If they're okay, you're it.

You may have heard that a dean is to faculty as a hydrant is to a dog. Alfred Kahn

Originality is the art of concealing your source. Franklin P. Jones

The multitude of books is making us ignorant. Voltaire

Procrastinate tomorrow.

Don't call your fraternity a frat; would you call your country a cunt?

Paul's Second Law- The sooner you fall behind, the more time you have to catch up.

Velilind's Law of Experimentation- A) if reproducibility may be a problem, conduct the test only once. B) if a straight line fit is required, obtain only two data points.

Fuck it, I'm gifted and talented.

If we learn from our mistakes, I ought to be a genius.

Weiner's Law of Libraries- There are no answers, there are only cross-references.

I respect faith, but doubt is what gets you an education. Wilson Mizner

You don't have to think too hard when you talk to teachers. J.D. Salinger

The brain is a wonderful organ: it starts working the moment you get up in the morning, and does not stop until you get to school.

God made the idiot for practice, and then He made the School Board. Mark Twain

You have the capacity to learn from mistakes. You'll learn a lot today.

Those who can't write, write manuals.

We call man a gentle animal; and, if nature has been kind to him and his education has been right, he is the most gentle and God-like of creatures. But if his education is inadequate or bad, he becomes the most savage of all the products of the earth. Plato

Education is not merely imparting of knowledge. It is the imparting of life, character and personality. It is putting life into a human being. Jan Christian Smuts

Schools are the workshops of humanity. Comenius

Education ... has produced a vast population able to read but unable to distinguish what is worth reading. G.M. Trevelyan

Universities are of course hostile to geniuses, which, seeing and using ways of their own, discredit the routine: as churches and monasteries persecute youthful saints. Ralph Waldo Emerson

Education is a state controlled manufactory of echoes. Norman Douglas

There has been an alarming increase in the number of things you know nothing about.